Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
