After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
