why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
