there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and you said cock pushups were impossible
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
