I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
