All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this will be a night to untag.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
