GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
