So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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