I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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