Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
