i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize