Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
