i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
