I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
