Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize