It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
