I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
