Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone threw a dead crab at me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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