I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
