yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
