Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
