Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
