Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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