I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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