I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
