i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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