Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
