yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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