I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
