On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
