Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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