why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
