Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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