I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
false alarm, still single
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
