I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
