so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
