My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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