Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
