On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
