When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
