ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize