letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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