dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
