Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
