just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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