A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
