I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
