if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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