Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
