I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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