Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
