I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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