So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
