A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
