He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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