Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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