Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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