I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize