Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
