I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
