i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
