I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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