Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
