the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
