Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
