My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
