Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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