speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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