I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
