I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
