next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
