I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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